As Alex grows up, there are days where I feel worse and worse about my parenting skills. I am sure that most parents of teens feel like this at one point or another. One day you are completely logical, and the next day you feel like you are about to loose your mind, rip their face off, or both. I find myself speaking so much more violently than I ever did before, even if it is mostly to my friends and husband. The newest thing he has been doing is thinking about something that seems logical, and trying to pass it on as fact. I COMPLETELY remember thinking that something made enough sense that I could pass it off as seeing it in a movie, or reading it in a text book. I try to have patience. I know I did it too.... but wow. It takes a LOT of patience to argue with someone over a hypothetical figment of their imagination.He is the most stressful, exasperating, frustrating, wonderful, sweet, amazing kid I have ever known. Every day I go over the roller coaster of emotions that it takes to deal with a nearly teenager, and I think all sorts of insane things... and all sorts of wonderful things.
Yesterday I had an epiphany... he is a great kid. Like, not just a good kid, a GREAT kid. He is tiresome, but he is also almost 13 years old, and as far as nearly 13 year olds go, I have it so good. I have done a great job lately of seeing the good and the bad of the stage he is at... but I hadn't compared him to myself (or anyone else) at his age before. By 13 I was horrible. Horribly broken, but horrible. Angry, vicious, quick thinking, talked a lot and was smart. Bad combo.
In comparison even to the teens and tweens I know (who are all decent kids) Alex is one of the best of them. It was a nice breath of fresh air to think of it like that.
Homeschool has been so wonderful for us. At first I thought we were doing great because I wasn't anymore annoyed with him than when he was gone 8 hours a day. And that was an improvement. Now it is even better than that... even if some days the bad stuff is all I can think about (and talk about).
His hobby lately has been doing origami while I am doing papercraft... and he has decided to try to make 1,000 cranes. I am getting him the book and DVD of Sadoko and the One Thousand Cranes.
Did I mention, amazing kid?
Wow! Those are really pretty! Tell Alex his origami is amazing.
ReplyDeleteLove that last picture!!! I've tried to make cranes before....not too good at them...esp if I tried ones that small!!
ReplyDeleteaw val, i have to tell you that i can TOTALLY relate to this post! like 1000%!!
ReplyDeletemy oldest is 14 and there are nights when everybody goes to bed and i sit and cry because i feel like i spent the entire day riding his butt and raising my voice. he is my child from a previous relationship and i can remember when it was just he and i- just the two of us and i was the most important part of his world. these days- yeah, not so much :{
but you are completely right- they are great kids! really, really great kids! so that must mean that we are really great mamas, right? :)
xo,
erika
We all struggle with how we parent and the one thing that stands out is that we need to forgive ourselves for our parenting msitakes as much as we will forgive them for being kids, and as much as we better be forgiving ourselves for being kids and putting our parents through this. It truly is the circle of life. Our jobs are to make it all less sad and more beautiful. I admire the work you do in being mindful of the parenting you do, and I honor you for the work both you and your partner do to keep you in the home. I think that one of the biggest regrets I have for putting my kids through our divorce is that they don't get Mom as much as they diserve her and we all work more in ways that aren't as gratifying as parenting as a united family can be. You have really got it going on and your kids are flourishing because of it. Stand strong and parent from the heart.. that includes those mean things you sometimes say;)
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