Homesteading. Sometimes it stinks.

We just planted 6 new trees.  3 apples, 2 plums, and 1 pear.  We removed all of the trees that I put in three years ago and gave them to willing friends who have better soil.  We had been waiting for my trees to produce fruit the past two years, but I don’t think the root stock was hardy enough for my soil.  Which is awful, filled with rock and plastic and what isn’t rock, is clay.  All attempts to reform it have failed.  Even the Eden Method which I thought for sure would help.  So I started over.  I purchased MUCH hardier root stock this time.  I am hopeful but….  I really feel downhearted about giving all my trees away and starting over.  It feels like a defeat.  I put in so much time and care with those babies.  I know this new year is a new beginning and I am grateful to have the resources to replace the trees that were not working.  But I am frustrated.  I have so many plans.  Going backwards was never one of them. 

Dead chickens, trees that don’t grow or produce fruit, garden beds that are sinking into the ground on one side and rising on the other.  They all feel like major pitfalls that make me wonder why I am doing any of these projects in the first place. 

I think that is just winter talking though.

Because as soon as I see leaves popping out next month, I will be over joyed in these new steps.  I will see that my work was not in vain… well, it was with the trees, but the blueberries, raspberries, roses, etc, all look healthy and happy and I am excited to see the bounty that they bring.  I am ready for my yard to be beautiful again.  I am ready for explosions of green and to be at the mercy of pulling weeds so they don’t choke out my veggies.  I am ready to watch bulbs pop and rhodies bloom.  To do school outside and to watch our new baby chicks grow and join our other bitties in the new coop we are building.  Right now it is all prep.  All work.  No reward.  But patience is my friend, and the reward will come this fall when my arms are full with handfuls of blueberries, bouquets of daisies and baskets of eggs - and maybe, just maybe, an apple or two.